Lost Dinosaur

• This is totally going to make me popular (addressed to no one in particular)
• I can’t believe nobody has thought of Sh*t Moderate Republicans Say!
• I wonder when my Mom will kick me out of her basement AKA The Love Den
• (Muffled crying)

The news spread slowly until an article in the paper outlining the restaurant’s quirky rules was published. They were simple and posted on the front window of the sign-less old shop front:

- Twenty people a night will be served dinner
- Dinner starts at 8PM
- Reservations are acquired via silent auction
- All bids are due by noon, a roster of guests will be posted at 2PM

The demand rose quickly while rumors of the amounts of winning bids started to fuel their reputation. A few local, then later visiting, celebrities started to attend and seeing their names printed on the list taped to the inside of the front window turned into a bit of a show. The people from the neighborhood started to come out to see the actual dinner as well, first finding excuses to walk past, then later a crowd would simply gather and watch the first course.

The couple received the spots as a gift two days before their wedding and being aware of the chance they rushed to get dressed properly. She joked that the nicest thing she owned was her bridal gown so maybe she should wear it.  He ended up wearing his rented tuxedo pants and shirt with a borrowed sports coat.

The situation was handled quietly by the head waiter. In this case a well-known couple, famous enough for long enough to simply ignore the rules, had contacted him through a powerful third party and demanded a seat. Given that dinner had just started a note was written by the head waiter which shortly described the situation and had a dollar amount at the bottom. The couple was chosen by the waiter after looking over the night’s guests. The bride looked over her shoulder as they left and saw the crowd reform where they had parted briefly for the couple to pass.

1. Mohammed: Casio
2. Aabid: Rolex
3. Khaatamul: Swatch

1. Brown Thrasher (despite name I love this bird)
2. Pigeon
3. Pigeon in a big city
4. Pigeon in a big city with a knife
5. Pigeon with different color around its face so it looks like a mask
6. Pigeon that won’t move when I walk towards it and turns sideways and I swear it winks at me
7. Ostrich
8. Ostrich running towards me
9. Turkey Vulture - even if its better for you than regular vulture they freak me out
10. Crows because - crows remember faces, plus they tell their friends to hate you

• He was a drunken Santa at the mall, I was a single mother.  Our love was overpriced and underdeveloped and his business was a complete monopoly.
• I was a toll booth operator, she worked the corner across the turnpike fence.  She had exact change for the token needed to access my heart.
• She was crossing the street and I honked from inside my glittery red Chevy truck with blue neon undercarriage lights.  We were both deer in headlights, and our love was a sick after-market upgrade.
• Our eyes met from across the Harry Potter Flash Mob and I knew that this sentence will not have any effective references as the author refuses to read those books.
• I was working a kiosk at the mall, she was ordering a t-shirt for her boyfriend.  I airbrushed my way into her heart and refused to give a refund.
• She was the mustached DMV clerk, I was one DUI away from losing my license and giving up on love.  I took a number and was next in line to be her ex-husband.
• He was the balloon artist at my therapist’s funeral.  He made awkward jokes but reshaped the formless mass that was my heart into two doves inside a heart asymmetrically making out.

Hi hello ok.  I’m reposting some older stuff from a previous site.  If you don’t like it deal.

• Law and Mordor
• The Brady Hunch (that Marcia has killed, and will kill again)
• M.A.S.H (ed potatoes and gravy)
• The Office Where Everyday is Silly Hat Day (And They Make Shotguns)
• As The World Turns A Monkey Gets Really Dizzy and Falls Over OMG You Guys are You Seeing This?
• Oprah Dies Every Episode In Unexpected Ways
• Just The Ten Of Us (Are Going to Vegas And Only Nine of Us Will Return)
• Who’s the Boss? (Of this Ben + Jerry’s?)
• Perfect Strangers (II)

1. Thousands of photo albums where everyone has a Hitler mustache.

2. Two metric tons of glitter.

3. Menudo - all past and current members.

4. A bunch of random scribbling on a piece of paper that look like some sort of code.

5. Slip of paper that reads “Up Up Down Down L R L R B A Start”.

6. An in-progress game on Jenga frozen in amber.

Valid reasons to have a piece of glitter on your face during a workday

1. You have young daughters.

Invalid reasons to have a piece of glitter on your face during a workday

1. You visited an adult entertainment venue during your lunchhour [not cool]

2. You were making home-made greeting cards at your desk during your lunch hour [really not cool]

3. You were the one millionth customer at the Subway near the office and they threw glitter at you [not believable]

4. You think it brings out the crazy in your eyes.